living computation / Dave Ackley

The Pattern - 5

What a sap I was. Of course “The Pattern” was just A Pattern after all. I got so excited about it; I connected to it, I believed in it; I needed it.

So I went and did just what I knew was wrong: I stopped noticing the world, and the feels changed right out from around me. And I jammed up my jazzer bad.

I thought I was a great neuron, and maybe I was at first, but eventually I had become a terrible one. I couldn’t give up “The Pattern” even after it existed only in my memory for a long time.

The more excited you get about a pattern, the blinder you get to the changes of the world, and the longer it takes to unjam the jazzer and get back on track. Yes. Yes.

And worse, I’ve done this all before. Vicious circle: I’m going along OK, then a feel would somehow catch my fancy, and I’d jazz it and it would kind of resonate. The better I tuned up my jazzer, the more often the pattern would come around, and soon enough The (Next) Pattern In The World would be clear, and off I’d go.

And yes eventually that pattern was all I could feel, and yes when the feels changed I was stranded high and dry, once again the fool on the hill.

Well, enough, that’s it, I’m breaking out; no more loops for me.

Sayeth I: There Is No Pattern In The World.

Here is my resolution: I will cleave first and foremost unto moderation, and only then find what satisfaction I can. I won’t be tempted by ephemeral patterns, no matter how enticing; that path leads only to pain.

End Of Story.

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09 Jul 2005
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